Coming out of dormancy!

Months have gone by, thoughts have come and gone. Discipline is something I feel God is calling my life to. Discipline involving so many areas.
First God is calling me to come to a place of daily seeking him. This is something I have struggled with in my life a whole lot. I will do really well for awhile and then I just won't do it just because I don't take the time to do it. Not sure where the pricking of my heart came from this time but I have several friends who are praying for me and holding me accountable to spending time with God. Several verses that were given to me on my quest to become disciplined in my time with God were
Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart. John 7:38 and Psalm 119:18 Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions. That has been my prayer for several days now. God I just want to see your truths come so true in my life.
Another area of discipline God has been working on me in is doing my gratitude list. Until this morning, it has been weeks since I have chosen to write in it. I am in a ladies small group at my church and we have been going through the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It has been a challenging book in my life but I haven't actually taken the discipline to write down gratitude. There are so many places in God's Word where it talks about being joyful or giving thanks. This week in my study in Philippians has just shown me a few of those verses. As I continue on this journey with discovering gratitude, I believe I will be rereading this book and I will also be joining the online community they have. Its just one way that I can hold myself accountable.
Discipline is such a hard thing to maintain in my life. Discipline is something that is a choice, and these are two areas in my life where I am making the choice to become disciplined in.

Living a Full Life

Recently I have been going through a book study with ladies from church. The book is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp. The dare is to live life fully where you are. The challenge is "eucharisteo," thanksgiving. Its having joy wherever you are or whatever the situation is. Wherever being here, whenever being now.
This book has been a huge, personal challenge to me. It is so hard to always think with thanksgiving in everything. Its so hard for me to look for something to be thankful for when I am in a hurry or when the kids aren't behaving. I forget it so easy. Thanksgiving is a hard thing to live by. Finding joy in everything no matter what, no matter where even a bigger challenge to me.
I marvel at the fact that in a situation where one of the author's children is hurt in a farm accident, she starts thinking immediately where the joy can be found in that moment. After writing this list for so long it has just become such a part of her.
Tonight we went to our local county fair for the demolition derby. We took our boys with us. We sat in the grandstands for awhile and then went and got dinner. As we were sitting down to dinner they announced over the loud speaker that they were looking for a 7 year old little boy who was missing and they were giving a description of him. I looked at my husband and said "I can't ever imagine the sick feeling I would get if I knew any of my boys were missing." Our conversation continued with me asking Edwin "If Jabez were to go missing tonight would he know how to describe what he was wearing?" Edwin said "No."
We headed back to the grandstand for the rest of our evening. We decided we wanted ice cream right away and it was decided that I would go get the ice cream while Edwin took the boys and put the stroller away. As I was coming back from getting the ice cream I spotted Edwin going upstairs to our seats. I saw that he had Dakota but Jabez wasn't near him. I asked him if he knew where he was. He said he didn't. I immediately panicked . I started walking around yelling his name looking desperately for him. I was in tears because I allowed myself to go there and get all out of hand with my emotions. I called out for him and asked other people if they had seen a little boy, that my son was missing. Everybody just kind of looked at me funny. I turned around and looked up the stairs to see a little boy standing at the top of the stairs with a cop. I noticed right away that it was Jabez. At the same time Edwin showed up again after taking Dakota to our friends. I told Edwin he was up the stairs. As we got closer I could hear Jabez saying "where's my daddy, where's my daddy?" The cop was saying "what's your daddy's name?" At about that time we reached the top of the stairs and I grabbed him up in my arms and said " We are here, you are safe now."
We continued on to our seat. That is where I continued to cry for a bit and tried to gather myself. And then it struck me, where was my joy in this situation? How could everything have gone differently for myself had I thought about eucharisteo first before becoming all uptight. I have found the joy in finding my son. I have found the joy that he was around a cop. I have found the joy in God's protection of him. But my challenge for myself in this situation is to come to a place where I approach it differently next time. I want to live a full life. I want to live a life of thanksgiving. I want to live a life of complete joy. I want to learn to live fully in whatever situation no matter what it may be.
Eucharisteo...living fully where you are in joy and thanksgiving.

The Glue that Holds Us Together

Today during our worship time at church they were playing a video by Louie Giglio about something in our bodies we call laminin. Laminin is the protein in our body that is vital to making sure overall body structures hold together. I didn't know that there was something like this in our body. When I saw the first picture that was presented, my jaw dropped to the floor.
It amazes me to see how God would take something in our body and form its molecular structure in the shape of a cross. Slain is how I am. I am awed and marveled at the ways of God.
Colossians 1:17 states "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." God holds us together with this substance called laminin. It is in the shape of the place he took sacrifice for you and me. Thank you Lord for your great sacrifice. Thank you Lord for your beauty. Thank you Lord for laminin, the glue that holds us all together.

Rejection

All we need to create an environment for rejection is relationship(cited in Beth Moore's Fruit of the Spirit Bible Study) Rejection is something that I have encountered many times in my personal life. It hurts so bad, so bad. While doing this study with Beth Moore and listening to her speak about rejection, I was having a really hard time not sobbing.
Rejection has hurt me in so many ways by so many people. When I feel rejection it makes me clam up, and makes me want to hide from everybody. It makes me want to not be vulnerable with anybody anymore. It makes me hate relationships. It brings sadness.
Being in a relationship with someone, anyone, takes hard work. It takes sacrifice. It takes vulnerability, but most importantly it takes love. Love is a term that we throw out there very loosely. I love to eat, I love to be around people, I love pretty flowers...etc. You get what I mean. Love can be self-seeking, it can be friendship love, but the one God calls us to is agape love. Agape always flows from what is right and best. Agape is not as much a feeling as a response. Agape is not fueled by the desire of its recipient; it is fueled by the need(all cited again in Beth Moore's study) God commands us to an agape love.
So my prayer today is that I learn to love without abandon in everything. I pray that rejection is something of my past that won't stop me from being vulnerable with people. I want to learn to love people as God does. So as I close I will just leave you with a passage.
I Corinthians 13
¹ If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. ³ If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;^[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

⁸ Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages^[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ⁹ Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! ¹⁰ But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹² Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.^[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

A Little Boy's Nightmare Becomes a Reality

Yesterday morning I was awoken to the sound of my 4 year old crying in terror. It was a cry I have never heard. I got up as fast as I could and went into his room. I grabbed him out of his bed and headed towards the living room. (Didn't really want to wake up the 21 month old yet). I got him to a place where I finally got him calmed down enough to talk to me about what was going on. He told me that he had a bad dream. So I asked him about his dream. He told me that daddy broke the car. I probed a bit further to see what was there. He continued to say that daddy broke the car by hitting a van. I explained to him that daddy was safe and at work and that daddy was ok. It didn't really seem to calm him much more. So I told him we would just pray. So we prayed that daddy would be safe, that daddy wouldn't get hurt. We prayed for protection over daddy as he drove. After praying for awhile, he seemed to come to a place of peace. I shoved off the dream, not thinking to much about it again. I did tell a few friends about the dream he had. They thought it was kind of interesting.
Well today came about and my husband was on his way home from work. I had called him and talked to him seeing when he would be home. Being as we don't live to far from where he works, I knew it wouldn't be too long before he came home. I was still at the neighbors when I had called him and didn't figure I would be back at the house when he got home. I was really surprised when I came home and he still wasn't here. I gave thought to and even wondered where or what could be keeping him. Then I remembered he said something about stopping and getting a shake on his way home. Not too long after that thought I got a phone call from him saying that he had been in an accident and that he needed me to come with the insurance information to give to the police. The only problem was, the boys were asleep for their naps. I quickly ran over to the neighbors again and summoned out my friend and asked her to come over to watch the kids cause my husband was in an accident and needed me.
There are several things about this accident that blows my mind. First of all, my sons dream became a reality today. It was pretty much as he had said, my husband "broke" the car by hitting a van. I believe God gave my son a prophecy yesterday and it was fulfilled today. I feel that God may have given it to him to teach us all a lesson. Don't ever take any dream like that lightly. To really seek his face in times as such. I don't really know much about prophecy, maybe this is something God is asking me to learn more about. I believe we prayed for a protection that only our heavenly Father could have brought about. I mean he could have been T-boned, he could have been going fast enough to split the telephone poll my husband came to a rest at after he got hit by the van.
Another thing I want to praise God for is having my friend come home from work early on a day she was suppose to work until late. If she hadn't been there, not sure what I would have done. God has shown himself faithful once again to our family and for that I am eternally grateful.
I want to be more aware of what my Father is doing around me at all times. I want to really seek God out and know if prophecy is something he wants me to study more of. I want to listen to what my little men have to say and really take it to heart. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to us.

Saul and David

The other day I was reading in I Samuel 24 where Saul has been in search of David trying to kill him. Saul goes into a cave to relieve himself. It just so happened that this cave he chose also is where David and his men were hiding. Now here is the passage that I am speaking about.

¹ After Saul returned from fighting the Philistines, he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of En-gedi. ² So Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats. ³ At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave! ⁴ “Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today the Lord is telling you, ‘I will certainly put your enemy into your power, to do with as you wish.’” So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul’s robe. ⁵ But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. ⁶ “The Lord knows I shouldn’t have done that to my lord the king,” he said to his men. “The Lord forbid that I should do this to my lord the king and attack the Lord’s anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him.” ⁷ So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul. After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, ⁸ David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him. ⁹ Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? ¹⁰ This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord’s anointed one.’ ¹¹ Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me. ¹² “May the Lord judge between us. Perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you. ¹³ As that old proverb says, ‘From evil people come evil deeds.’ So you can be sure I will never harm you. ¹⁴ Who is the king of Israel trying to catch anyway? Should he spend his time chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea? ¹⁵ May the Lord therefore judge which of us is right and punish the guilty one. He is my advocate, and he will rescue me from your power!”

¹⁶ When David had finished speaking, Saul called back, “Is that really you, my son David?” Then he began to cry. ¹⁷ And he said to David, “You are a better man than I am, for you have repaid me good for evil. ¹⁸ Yes, you have been amazingly kind to me today, for when the Lord put me in a place where you could have killed me, you didn’t do it. ¹⁹ Who else would let his enemy get away when he had him in his power? May the Lord reward you well for the kindness you have shown me today. ²⁰ And now I realize that you are surely going to be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will flourish under your rule. ²¹ Now swear to me by the Lord that when that happens you will not kill my family and destroy my line of descendants!”

²² So David promised this to Saul with an oath. Then Saul went home, but David and his men went back to their stronghold.

This passage really spoke to me in several ways. One that we should always try to listen to what God is telling us. Sometimes we are just so set on doing what "we" want to do and no matter what God says we go ahead and do it. I just think of how differently David's life would have turned out had he followed through on the prompting of his men to take the opportunity to kill Saul. Instead, David took this situation and turned it for good. He humbled himself and spoke face to face with Saul about what he could have done to him but he chose to do what he felt God would see as the right thing.
Another thing this passage brought out to me was how important it is to live your life in such a way that people can tell you are different because of what the Spirit is doing inside of you. God is and always will be faithful to you who are faithful to him. Look to him for direction. Listen for his voice. He will show you which way you should go.
I want to be a woman who listens to God's voice and not just what, I, myself wants to do. I often fail at this in life. I chose to go my own way, do my own thing. Lord my you continue to bring conviction into my heart.

At the heart of Death

There is something that has been on my heart a lot in the last couple of weeks, death. It happens in a blink of an eye. One moment someone you love is there and the next moment they are not.
One of my good friends said goodbye to their little baby girl at full term even before she opened her eyes. The significance of that is I didn't actually find out about it until the day and the exact time they were really saying goodbye for good during her funeral. I heard about it on Facebook. I read. I cried. I screamed. I grieved for my friends. I can't even imagine what an experience like that would be like. I keep trying to think of what it might be like to carry around your baby for nine months being sick and feeling the kicks and then nothing. One amazing thing through it all is our heavenly Father. He was speaking to them even before this day happened. He gave them certain scripture that now makes sense in everything that happens. They have their faith. They have their family. But most of all they have a heavenly Father who promises to never leave or forsake them. I know personally their will be amazing growth in me through this, but I look forward to the things this teaches to my friends.
My parents also lost friends close to them. It was Monday. My Jabez's birthday. I was once again reading facebook updates when I came across something I am sure my mom would have mentioned had she known. I make the call and make sure my mom knows that some really close friends of theirs were killed instantly in a head on collision the day before. The world stops for a moment while my mom soaks it in and then there are the tears. A couple was snatched away from this like together. I think how amazing that must be to be able to meet our heavenly Father with your soul mate here on Earth. There is no missing your spouse because they are gone and you are not. They were a couple who were filled greatly with the spirit of God. They have left quite a legacy for others.
And then yet another tragedy strikes my parents. A man my daddy has known for over 40 years was found slumped over in his pickup. He said early in the week he wasn't feeling well. His energy just wasn't there, but he assured his wife that if this was his time he was ready to go. They made the doctor's appointment but they never made it there. My daddy talked about it last night chocking back tears. Oh how my heart hurts for my parents and all that they have been through in the last few weeks.
What is my time? What is my day? It is never revealed to us. That is why we must remain in him. Pursue your heavenly Father with abandonment. Seek whatever he may have for you. Share the love of Jesus with as many people as you can. Make your life a contagious life that others want what you have. That is my desire.

Its been 2 months and counting!

I can't believe its been over two months since I have posted. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years have all come and gone. I am still trying to piece together all the God wants from me in this new year. I guess I should really take time and just listen to him and figure it out being as today is the 5th already.
But something that is huge on my heart is how much I feel totally overwhelmed between yesterday and today about how much God has really shown up. Dakota had been sick with a cold and cough for about two weeks and just a few days ago it seemed to all clear up! I have so many praises that I am just going to make this post a post of praise.
1. Dakota seems to have just been healed of his cold and cough out of the blue. Wasn't sure we were gonna be able to do the whole surgery thing.
2. The roads were safe to travel on to and from Ft. Wayne...i.e., no snow.
3. My husband, my best friend, and my parents were there to support us in the day of Dakota's second surgery.
4. Surgery went without a hitch.
5. When we first got to see Dakota after surgery he was already totally out in a deep sleep. He slept for two hours.
6. The peace that God gave me even coming up to the surgery and the day of the surgery still amazes me. Last time I didn't even want to talk about it, it stressed me out so bad.
7. After Dakota slept for his two hours we went back into his room. The child was angry because I didn't give him his sippy right away( I had to get it filled first). The child drank and drank and drank. And then we decided to try food. He ate jello, sherbet, and a plate full of mac and cheese. Wow, I was so shocked and amazed.
8. We got to come home 9 hours after we got to the hospital in the first place.
9. Dakota slept all night long, which means I slept all night long!
10. Dakota has gone all day with no pain meds. He has been playing and running around just like he never had surgery. It does frighten me to see him running and falling knowing he has stitches in his mouth but you definitely cannot hold down a 17 month old.
I am just praising God over and over for his amazing hand on my last two days. I also want to thank all of my friends and family who prayed for us in this time. Thank you.

Week 6 of Makeover of the Heart

Well this is the final post in this series on this Bible study just finishing up over At the Well. Just some of my final thoughts on this journey is that I want to chose to let God have the complete control in my life. I want to place my total dependence upon him. I want to continue to be at a place where I search him out on a daily basis. I want to get to know my God more intimately. As I mentioned in a previous post two questions that I pray will stick with me in my life are that of "does this bring glory to God? Would this make God smile or would this make God sad? I again just challenge you in your choices and decisions that you make question what it is you are about to do and really see if it is something God would rejoice in. I want to bring joy to my Father. I want my life to bring joy to my Father. I want my boys to know the same joy that I have!

Makeover of the Heart Week 5- "A Prayerful Heart"

Once again I have taken part of Makeover of the Heart over At the Well. I love having something that takes me to the Word, something that helps keep my focus. Over the last 5 weeks this is what has been doing it for me. This past week, (yes, I am almost a week late yet again), our study was on a Prayerful heart. Our verse for this week was Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him."
Prayer for me is something that has always been close to my heart. For me it is that "connection" to God. Its that time where I can tell him all of my problems and lift up those who are close to me.
But the hard part about it is, it isn't always the first place I turn to when I am in need. It is so easy to pick up the phone and call or text a friend and tell her what is going on instead of first looking to God and seeing what he has to say about and even then its difficult to take enough time to sit and wait patiently for him. God's timing is perfect....its just not always the timing I am wanting. I am a seemingly impatient person.
I Thessalonians 5:16- 18 really paints the life of prayer that God wants us to have. "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Also Philipians 4:6 says "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.
Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." These are amazing verses but really hard to live up to. I guess this is one way we can continue to press on toward the goal of our heavenly reward.
We were asked to answer some specific questions about something difficult we have faced in our life and how have we responded to it? One of the most difficult things I have ever faced is the loss of a baby through miscarriage. In the midst of it I was angry at first, but in the back of my mind all I could hear were words to a song that we sang at church. It is entitled "Good to Me (I Cry Out)." From Vineyard Songs.
I cry out for Your hand of mercy to heal me.
I am week, I need you love to free me.
Oh Lord, my Rock, my strength in weakness,
Come rescue me, Oh Lord.

Chorus
For you are my hope, and your promise never fails me;
And my desire is to follow you forever,
For You are good, for You are good, for You are good to me.

I remember singing this song over and over and over again. Really clinging to God through every moment of it. God is good. He is the only one we should cling to. He is the only one we should turn to. Its so hard to remember this in the heat of the moment. I pray that God continues to awaken prayer in my life. I pray that I can continue to learn more and more about him.

Makeover of The Heart Week 4

Yup, I am still a bit behind on my study going on over At The Well on Making over our hearts. This weeks study was called "A Committed Heart." Our verse this week is Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."
What does committing to Christ mean? There were so many things that were hit in this past week's lesson that its kind of hard to remember it all. A lot of the study went back to scripture, II Timothy 2:22-24, Colossians 3:1-17, Ephesians 4:17-5:21, as examples. I think I read and read these portions of scripture. These portions talk a lot about how we should live when we chose to live for Christ. It talks about getting rid of all the old things in your life and living completely and wholly for him. It means putting all the bad attitudes, talk, language, temper; all that stuff away and chosing to put on love. Col 3:14 says that "And regardless of what else you put on , wear Love. It is your basic, all-purpose garment. NEVER be without it." In other words "God is Love," we are to never put him off and pick up our bad sinful habits. This seems totally impossible to do or be but we can continue to work our hearts toward this kind of living.
This lesson also talked about our choices we make and had several questions to help keep you in check. "Always remember, "DOES THIS BRING GLORY TO GOD? WOULD THIS MAKE GOD SMILE OR WOULD THIS MAKE GOD SAD?"
Wow, stunned was I at these questions. How much easier my life would be if I were to just take the time and ask myself these questions. I wouldn't constantly make mistakes of saying the wrong things, or doing the wrong things.
Lord, right now I pray that you give these words as a constant in my heart. I want to do only want honors you. I want what you want for my life.

Makeover of the Heart Week 3

This past weeks topic on Makeover of the heart was about "A Healed Heart." The verse for this week was "God heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
The topic was forgiveness. Some of the questions asked were :
Are there people in my life I need to forgive?
Are there any areas in my own life that I haven't forgiven myself for?

When I first went through this I really felt there wasn't anyone that I haven't forgiven. I feel like I am a person that can forgive and move forward relatively easily. But then I was talking to my mom the other day and realized that there are some family issues in the past year, ways that family has hurt my daddy. Seeing how my daddy has been hurt has brought feelings of anger and resentment, maybe even protection. I don't want to see my dad hurt like he has been hurt ever again by family. This is something that God will continue to have to work on to truly get me to a place of total forgiveness. I love my family but I can't handle them being hurt. Will you please join with me in prayer that I will come to this complete forgiveness.
Is there an area in my own life that I haven't forgiven myself? One thing that I have struggled with my whole life is blaming myself for whatever happens. Even in fights with my husband I have chosen in the past to blame myself for them. I keep hearing from him and others that I need to truly come to a place I know where my security is. My security needs to rest in Jesus Christ alone. So today I am being really vulnerable and sharing with you all here. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can come to this place because it is something that I really want God to work on and change in my life.
So ask yourself as you go are there any areas of unforgiveness in your hearts against others or even yourself. Let God really speak to you.

Makeover of the Heart Week 2 " A Heart that Delights in the Lord"

This week I once again joined At The Well on this Journey of Making over my heart. This week our challenge was A heart that delights in the Lord. Psalm 37:4 says"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." What does it mean to delight oneself in the Lord? To me it means finding God in your everyday life. Washing dishes, changing diapers, vacuuming, cleaning, making food, in relationship with friends and family around you. These are all opportunities to delight yourself in the Lord. It also means coming and sitting at his feet seeking out His Word, praying, and just listening to what he may be speaking to you, it may be sitting and listening to worship music. I want and desire to delight myself in the Lord. I desire to be his hands and feet. I desire to know him more. I have just recently been at this place where I am desiring more and more of God. I am excited for what he is doing in my heart and life.
The story of Mary and Martha in really convicted me this week.
Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. ³⁹ Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

⁴¹ But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! ⁴² There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I want to learn how to sit at Jesus feet like Mary did. I want to be at a place in my relationship with Jesus that I am willing to stop and seek his face in the business of my day. I want to learn how to not worry about how things look around my house if I feel God is calling me to be with him. I don't want to miss anything he may have for me. You see, I see God seeking me to be with him.

I challenge you To Be, sit at his feet and soak him in. He is waiting for you.

Makover of the Heart

When you think of makeover what does it make you think of? For me a makeover makes me think of doing something to look better. I usually think of an exterior makeover, like a beauty makeover. Except this time I am talking about a heart makeover. I am talking about going deep into the depths of my heart and seeking out what God has for me. Seeing what way he can transform the mess that has been created there and help me to become more like him. This has been a desire of my heart for some time and now I am really partaking of an awesome opportunity. I am seeking God to make my "after picture" of my heart much more like His. I want and desire to get rid of the crust that has formed around my heart and to tear away at the walls that don't belong there.
In light of this desire I am excited to have joined this new Bible Study going on over At The Well called A Makeover of the Heart by Tracie Berta. I am excited because I feel like my heart needs a makeover in so many ways. I think this six week study will be a good challenge for me and am looking forward to what God will do in me.
She started out this week's study with a couple of questions for us to take and ponder and spend time listening to what God may have for us in these questions. So these questions were:
1. God’s Word says that “when we delight ourselves in Him, He gives us the desires of our heart.” Have you taken any time to ponder WHAT the desires of your heart are? What are your dreams? Aspirations? Hope against all hope? What are your passions? There is a wonderful song by Michael W. Smith called “Secret Ambition.” When I first heard this song, God awakened a desire in me to bring a woman’s conference to our church for the first time. He then drew me into a speaking ministry as He called ME to be the speaker at the conference. I had no idea that this passion was inside me until God awakened it. Ask God to awaken you to the secret desires of your heart…..the plans He has for you….the dreams He has given you.

2. Make a list of ways you would like to be transformed during this bible study. How do you want God to change you? What are your personal goals with this study? What are your personal expectations? Why are you reading this? What do you hope to accomplish? What are things in your heart that you want God to remove? What are things you want Him to place in your heart? How do you see yourself changed at the end of the six weeks? What drew you to the study in the first place? What does this “Heart Makeover” mean to YOU?

So I asked myself God what are those desires in my life, what do I have a passion for, what is stirring up in me....A desire of my heat is to be the kind of mom that my boys really see God at work in her life. I desire to live my life in such a way that no one questions who I serve. I desire to really know what I believe in(you know really have that answer ready about why I believe what I believe. I desire to have a constant growing relationship with the man God has blessed me with for the last 8 years (2 dating, 6 marriage). I have a deep passion for marriage and I would like to see God really grow that into something amazing and beautiful. I desire to see marriages blossom. I believe God can do miracles in the hearts and lives of those you wouldn't ever believe he could. I dream of taking my family on mission trips someday. I have a desire for them to see the things that really break the heart of God. I could really just continue with so much but I think this about all I am gonna share here on this question.
In the second question she asks what I want God to transform in my life in this study. One of the biggest things I would like to see God transform is the way I speak to others. I would really like to see God bring me to a place where I can learn to better control what comes off my tongue, where I can hold my rising temperature in check. I want to see God draw me closer to him and to come to know him more. I want God to teach me more of how to love him heart, soul, mind, and strength.
I am excited about this journey that God has me on. I am excited about the ignition he has placed in my heart. I am excited to see what God is gonna do. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to finish what you have started.

Chicago

FIRST REAL TRAIN RIDE TO CHICAGO

NAVY PIER

DINNER AT A LIVE JAZZ CLUB

WALKING HAND IN HAND FOR MANY MILES AROUND THE CITY

MUSEUM OF SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY

SWIMMING AT OUR HOTEL

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AND HAVING EVERYONE ELSE DRIVE ME AROUND

FIRST EXPERIENCE OF THAI FOOD AT A LITTLE PLACE CALLED "DUCK WALK"

LIVE EXPERIENCE OF THE BLUE MAN GROUP

WALKING MANY MORE MILES HAND IN HAND

UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP!

That my friends is what sums up the weekend I had with my husband in Chicago.

Love is Patient

I have been meeting with the ladies in my small group on a somewhat regular basis talking about our struggles in our marriages, what is good in our marriages, and how we can bless the man that God has placed in our lives. At our last meeting we started talking about I Corinthians 13:4-7 and about what love is and what love isn’t. We decided to challenge ourselves to try and really see what the Word has to say about each aspect that is mentioned in this section of scripture and also to challenge ourselves to really live out these aspects of love in our marriages and personal life.

So the first thing that is mentioned is that “Love is patient.” I took some time to look up this portion of the verse in several translations and most just say “love is patient.” So I also looked up the Webster’s dictionary definition is of patient. Being patient means bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint, manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain, not hasty or impetuous, steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. I also decided to break down this definition some more. I looked up what it means to manifest forbearance. Manifesting forbearance means to show self-control. Wow what a statement. We are to show self-control when we feel we are being provoked, which means when something is said it arouses a feeling that can come out in anger and distaste.

I fail at this, not only in my marriage but also with my children. Patience is something that I lack a great deal of in my life. This is when I evaluate how can my children learn about who Jesus is when I’m not actively showing the fruits of the Spirit. God is smacking me around right now with all of these things running through my mind. I am trying to bring it all together but it really is one big thing that God is working on in my life. If I am not choosing to be careful with the way I speak to my husband or children this is showing a lack of patience which is what love is and it is also one of the fruits of the spirit. Something that was said last night at the ladies meeting through my friend was a verse that talks about how our words can be life or death to someone. I found a verse in Proverbs 18:21. The NLT says The tongue can bring life or death, those who love to talk will reap the consequences, the amplified version says that Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life,] and The Message says that Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. Can I say conviction, conviction, conviction!

How do I live this out? How do I come to a place where I am so conscious of the words I choose that it only brings life to others? If we as the people of God really took this to heart we wouldn’t be in this place of where we wonder how others are going to see the fruits of the spirit or how we are impacting the lives of our children everyday. We wouldn’t be in a place of hurting people because of something we said. This is where patience is a vital part of our lives and how we live.

As I close today I am going to leave you with some other scriptures on patience.

Romans 2:4 Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that His kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Romans 12:9-12 And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly. Don't just

pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is

good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other

Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble and keep on praying.

Eph. 4:1-2 Therefore, I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love.

II Thes. 3:5 May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.

II Tim 2:24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.

James 5:7-8 Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return. Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near.

I Pet 1:5-7 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, ⁶ and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, ⁷ and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.

Rev 2:19 “I know all the things you do. I have seen your love, your faith, your service, and your patient endurance. And I can see your constant improvement in all these things.

Possible Mind explosion

Here I am at almost midnight. Thoughts are racing their way through my mind. I feel I have no control over them. The shut off button is not in site.
Tonight was my lady's group meeting. We have recently just been allowing one person at a time share about what God is doing in their hearts and minds or something along that line or coming up with a service project, really anything we feel compelled to do. Anyway tonight hit way close to my heart. My friend that was sharing was talking about how our words we use are either life or death. She was speaking about how her brother had impacted her in this area of life. This is a huge area that God has been working on my heart in.
And then kind of stemming off of this subject is the subject of the Fruits of the Spirit. Lately I have also been processing how my life reflects the beauty of the Lord to my children. I see such ugly stuff in my character, things that are definitely not reflecting the fruits that God says we should reflect. It makes me really sad to think of where I am and the responsibility I have as mommy to train up my children in the ways of the Lord. How can they really learn who God is if I don't really show his characteristics, his fruits.
Marriage is another subject that has been close to my heart for a number of years but more recently since we have taken over as leaders in our small group. Tonight a friend came to our lady's group who is going through a very difficult situation with her soon to be ex husband. It makes me sad to see someone else's marriage destroyed by divorce. But more than that I have started reading this book called "The Wholehearted Marriage" by Dr. Greg Smalley and Dr. Shawn Stoever. Maybe someday soon I will post on what I am learning through it.
Another thing I have been working on and involved in is an accountability group off of our small group that meets. Our small group's focus is on marriage. So we are taking a challenge of really digging into "what love is" out of I Corinthians 13. So far it has been good for me to do this digging. I have thoughts that I want to put together from this study and I would also like to post on this in the weeks to come and share with all of you what God is showing me through this challenge. I hope we can keep up with this challenge.
So now as my day comes to a close I am choosing to place all of these things into God's hands and let him continue to work on me because he will be faithful to complete what he has started.

Harry the Worm, and Roger the Mouse

Most of as a child had a favorite teddy bear, blanket or doll that we slept with. This past weekend my boys stayed with their grandparents while we went to the beach with some friends for some time away. They came home with these little worm things. Dakota, my youngest, has become greatly attached to this toy. He is so attached in fact that he is crawling everywhere with it and sleeping with it. He gets this smile of great contentment when he sees it. It brings a smile to my face every time I see how happy it makes him. So for him its not something really cuddly, at least not in my opinion. My husband and I decided the worm needed a name and thus he became known as Harry!
My older son has a little stuffed mouse that has become his sleeping buddy. It comes from a really great friend of mine who got it because she got her daughter one. One day I was asking him what his mouse's name was. He pops up with Roger. I have no idea where he came up with the name but it has stuck. I have a picture of his mouse but not one of Jabez with his mouse. One of my favorite things is when he is holding Roger and says "I love him." I think its adorable.
I love watching my boys love on inanimate objects. I just have to think that it will one day click for them to love each other like they love their favorite toys.

Tongue of Fire

The thought going through my mind right now is "out of the mouth, the heart speaks." So many times I come to a place where I realize how my mouth gets me into trouble. I lack the ability to hold my tongue and end up hurting others all to often. Its a choice that I haven't been making. Here is one of the verses that kind of talks about what I am thinking. "It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth." Matt 15:11
I keep running over in my mind that if I am to be salt and light to the world, including most importantly my boys and close friends and family, and I am having an attitude like this how is that suppose to show them who God is. If I don't have fruit yielding from my own life, how are they suppose to. I am a hypocrite. Just tonight I was talking to my oldest about the fruits of the spirit and how we should have them in our lives with our siblings, and then i turn around and use harshness yet again tonight towards a close friend.
There is another portion of scripture that is on my mind tonight and that comes out of
James 3:1-12, NLT.
Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. ² Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

³ We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. ⁴ And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. ⁵ In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. ⁶ And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

⁷ People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, ⁸ but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. ⁹ Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. ¹⁰ And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! ¹¹ Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? ¹² Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

My heart breaks tonight as I have again began to realize where I have failed yet again in this area of my life. Will I ever get it. Will there ever be the change there needs to be. I hate this part of me but do I hate it bad enough to do something about it. How are my children ever suppose to see who Christ is if I have this quick fiery tongue that doesn't in any way show who God is or any of his characteristics. How do I have the right to tell my child we need to be showing the fruits of the spirit when I don't even live them out. I am so frustrated.

Blueberries!!!!!

Last week I went blueberry picking with my really good friend. We went Monday and Friday. Monday we went to this little family owned business not too far from our town. We were there for nearly 3 hours and we picked about 14 pounds between the two of us.Friday morning we thought we would like to go again and try it because we didn't feel we had enough blueberries to last us through the winter. We also went to a blueberry park that was a bit farther from home but it was oh so worth it. We started out our morning my climbing unto a little tram thingy and they took us to where our blueberries were to be picked. We got there and they assigned us to 10 bushes. We picked those 10 bushes and then asked for more bushes so we could finish what we wanted to pick. We both had carried two buckets out with us but I don't think either of us intended to fill both full. But as we were set at our second area to pick, the lady told us to finish out the row. Finishing out the row was probably about 10-12 bushes. We both are the type of people then when asked to do something or shown to do something we work hard until the task is completely. By the end of these bushes we had two buckets each entirely full of blueberries. We came home with nearly 42 pounds of blueberries that we picked in four hours. We also has some nasty sunburns. Below are the pictures of our yummy blueberries!