Today

I have really struggled today to be a good mom. I have lost it with my children by raising my voice at them on several occasions. I feel like I just want to go to bed and forget that this day happened and wake up to a brand new day tomorrow where there would be a clean slate. But I know that isn't what God wants me to do. He wants me to see where I have made mistakes and to ask forgiveness and to move on from there. I am asking God to be my portion today because I know that I cannot do it on my own. I am asking God to be my forgiver today, for without him I can do nothing. I need his extra strength to make it through this day.
Thank you Lord for loving me even when I mess up. Thank you for being my Portion, my Rock, my Forgiveness, my All in All.

My Thoughts....

I guess it has been a little over 2 weeks now that my youngest brother lost his best friend/mentor/boss due to illness. Before my brother met this man he had walked away from a life with Christ. He was experiencing many things of the world I never wanted to see him experience. He met this man at a local restaurant they both frequented. From watching my brother over a few months this man asked him to come work for him. This man mentored my brother back into a relationship with Christ in the last three and a half years. Not only has he done that but he has taught him how to run a business on his own. He has really stepped up and become a quite the young man.
I had the opportunity to go to his funeral. My brother wasn't the only person this man has impacted. While at the funeral another man shared about the impact this man had on his life. From stories I read from his children he almost died 20 years ago due to the same illness. I thank God that he allowed this man to continue to live to impact my brother's life and the lives of others around him.
You know seeing my brother go through this was quite difficult. He has never lost a best friend before. He has never been so quiet. It was really weird. The weekend before his friend died he got engaged to an absolutely wonderful sweet girl. I love her to pieces. This man's wife told her husband that my brother had finally gotten engaged. He was so happy for them. He was doing better, she thought she was gonna bring him home not take him to the grave instead. This is just to say how crazy fast your life can be done and over with.
One of the biggest things this situation made me think about was how would I be if I lost my husband. I mean I know we have only been married for close to 5 1/2 years but man I can't imagine how I would continue life without him. This man and woman had been married for close to 50 years. I can't imagine losing someone I have built my life around for 50 years. It blows my mind. I can't quite fathom it. Marriage is a very precious gift given from God and I never want to take my spouse for granted I love him with my whole heart. He absolutely means the world to me. We need to really love each other every single day at our best because we never know it could be our last.