Tongue of Fire

The thought going through my mind right now is "out of the mouth, the heart speaks." So many times I come to a place where I realize how my mouth gets me into trouble. I lack the ability to hold my tongue and end up hurting others all to often. Its a choice that I haven't been making. Here is one of the verses that kind of talks about what I am thinking. "It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth." Matt 15:11
I keep running over in my mind that if I am to be salt and light to the world, including most importantly my boys and close friends and family, and I am having an attitude like this how is that suppose to show them who God is. If I don't have fruit yielding from my own life, how are they suppose to. I am a hypocrite. Just tonight I was talking to my oldest about the fruits of the spirit and how we should have them in our lives with our siblings, and then i turn around and use harshness yet again tonight towards a close friend.
There is another portion of scripture that is on my mind tonight and that comes out of
James 3:1-12, NLT.
Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. ² Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

³ We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. ⁴ And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. ⁵ In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. ⁶ And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

⁷ People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, ⁸ but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. ⁹ Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. ¹⁰ And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! ¹¹ Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? ¹² Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

My heart breaks tonight as I have again began to realize where I have failed yet again in this area of my life. Will I ever get it. Will there ever be the change there needs to be. I hate this part of me but do I hate it bad enough to do something about it. How are my children ever suppose to see who Christ is if I have this quick fiery tongue that doesn't in any way show who God is or any of his characteristics. How do I have the right to tell my child we need to be showing the fruits of the spirit when I don't even live them out. I am so frustrated.