Many, Many Thoughts

It has been nearly a month now that I have experienced one of the most painful experiences in my life that I think I have ever been through. I lost my dear, precious baby whom we had known only existed for a week in our lives. I was actually 5 weeks pregnant when it happened. I was very excited about having another baby, and so quickly the excitement turned to fear, anger, sadness, and depression. For several days in a row all I did was cry, even waking during the night because of the emotional pain. It just felt like something was ripped out of my heart and life, someone who I had already fallen in love with.
Several days after the miscarriage was happening, we chose to name our baby. Our baby has been named Ashor. Ashor means "happy and blessed." Happy and blessed is what our child is in the presence of our Father.
A friend of mine also went through a miscarriage this year. She was here right by my side all through this time. We talked, cried(or she let me cry), and screamed our way through the first several days. Oh how my heart ached for what I was never going to be able to have to hold and love here on earth. You know it didn't make sense to me about what was going on, but I just knew that my Heavenly Father was there with me through the whole thing. He carried me in a way I have never experienced before. I can atest to the fact that I am where I am right now is because of the love of Jesus. He loved us so much that He gave His son for us as a sacrifice for our sins. Can you imagine the incredible amount of pain he must have went through during this time? I know the pain I have been through with this, and I know that it can't even compare to what pain my heavenly Father has experienced. I have a friend who helped me to realize this through this time. I thank you for making this realization to me. It was greatly appreciated. I know that I am not alone in this. I have many friends, family, and church family who have just loved me through this. But most importantly God is right here by my side. He continues to love me and hold my hand through ever day.
Of course I still think about these events in my life. I have had thoughts today about the fact that I should be 9 weeks pregnant right now, getting closer to the end of my first trimester. Instead I am not pregnant and grieving the loss of my child. I have wanted something physical to commemorate my child, something to hold close to my heart and life forever. I went into a jewelry store yesterday and chose a pendant that I will be able to wear on a chain and never forget my dear, precious child.