Distant..... and Alone.......

Distant.....
I met with a really great friend of mine today. She says that it feels like I am distance. I don't know why she feels that way because I feel like I am myself in most ways. I don't mean to be distant. I am sorry for holding you at a distance. I feel like I am pretty open with how I have been feeling and what I have been dealing with. And then again maybe not. Maybe there is more that is underlying than I think. Maybe it is something that hasn't been made clear to me yet.
I just want my life to be ringing clear as a bell. I don't want to push people away. I just hope you know that I still love you and am not trying to hurt you. I don't know what is making the distance. Maybe it is because I haven't been seeking God in my life during the week. That is probably the main thing. I remember back just a few weeks ago, my husband and I having time in the Word together. I loved those times. Where did they go? We got really busy again and that has gotten placed in the back closet again. It makes me sad when I think about it. So I guess the thing I need to do tonight is get out my Bible and spend some time with God. I need to quiet my heart before God and just let him minister to me.
And Alone.........
Whenever I have been alone in the house at night, I don't want to be here. I just feel this depression set in. I just want to break out of these walls and be free. I want to be around my husband. And I'm really not alone, Jabez is here, but he is sleeping. Why do I feel depressed when I am alone? I am fine during the day when I am alone, but at night I don't do so well. I just want someone to be here to talk to. My desire is to be at a place where there is constant peace in my life. I don't like feeling unrest in my spirit. I don't like that I don't like being alone. The truth of the matter is God is here with me. Why do I let being alone get me down so much. It is so stupid. I just wish I could be at peace like I am during the day. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?